Hello my loves ,I hope you are all safe and sticking to positives thoughts. So today’s post is going to be a little different ,I’m going to share something about me. I rarely get so personal with my posts but I figured out it would be nice to share this ,maybe it will shed some light to someone.
Anxiety is a mental disorder characterised by worries or fear enough to interfere with your mental health. I can’t really say I’ve been anxious all my life ,but I can trace some fragments of anxious episodes in my childhood. I can vividly remember during exams how my pulse would race and how my pen would slip off my fingers cause I would really sweat .I can also trace times when I’d do something wrong in the house and worry so much about my moms reaction and apparently she didn’t even lecturer me or even mention it .So it has gradually grown with age and I can’t really claim that it has affected me severely but it has affected my commutation,the way I approach situations,my character basically . You probably want to know if I still get anxious during exams yes I do !Haha .My pens still slip, I have to always carry some wet wipes or a hanky even during a C.A.T! It’s always that constant fear of failing and I don’t think there’s anyone not scared of failure.
What are the symptoms of anxiety ? So I’ll break them down into three according to my research .There’s behavioural,cognitive and whole body .
In behavioural there’s :irritability ,hyper vigilance and restlessness. Cognitive is about the brain,lack of concentration,racing thoughts ,unwanted thoughts and what happens to the body is mostly the sweating and the fatigue. Yes,I’ve experienced all this and it I hate it . Goddammit ,I’ve had anxiety attacks in the most weird places ,I recently had one by the road . Apparently I’m scared of many cars ,trucks to be specific ,and I also don’t like too much noise mostly if it’s from different sources ,so this one time, I’m walking by the road and I suddenly get anxious there’s too much noise ,every car is hooting ,now I suddenly notice all the cars on the road , I can even see it, how this car is going to knock me down and they rush me to the hospital and BTW why is that woman talking so loud? ,Before I realise it I am standing at the Same spot for like about 4minutes trying to figure out how to cross the road . I have never been scared like that I honestly think I would have passed out .
There are many things that have triggered my anxiety but the trophy goes to my anger issues . Well most of my friends would highly be against this cause I’m Just a short happy human being but you know they say “these short ones are always the short-tempered ones” ha! Pun intended. I’ve learnt to handle my anger issues after I once called out some girl in public after she accused me of misplacing a book she’d lent me .I just remember my hands trembling as I threw my Pens on the floor. I develop some sort of adrenaline that is only satisfied when I just let the anger out ,it’s either I throw something ,break something ,hit something ,shout at someone or eventually just distance myself from people until it’s off .
With much been said ,this fear of loosing control develops profound anxiety . Take a scenario where your parent is giving you some hot lecturer on something wrong you did ,and you boil up ,you want to give a piece of your mind but that’s disrespectful ,so you wait until its over and you are now in your room,you keep on replaying it your head and the adrenaline builds up slowly ,and your whole body is craving for some satisfaction ,you want to throw that phone but it’s the only one you got,you want to scream but no one wants to end up in an asylum,so what do you do ?you just sit there with racing thoughts,others piling up and so there’s a sort of imbalance of thoughts going on in there but you have to stay sane at the same time,draining huh?
But as I said ,there are different things that triggers it,I also get anxious before I stand before crowds .I literally squeeze the person seated next to me or sometimes I just start some off-key singing to help me calm down. But lately I’ve just been anxious about life everything about life ,but I just have my moment and move ,because everything will eventually fall into place .
You can handle anxiety but if symptoms persist seek medical attention. It’s also possible for you handle it on your own, you just have to learn to control your triggers. My major trigger is anger and when I feel it coming I try all possible ways to dodge it or use that energy positively. Normalize being calm ,try to organize your thoughts and a couple of deep breathes will help .
I’ve tried to mention a few scenes to make this short but point is,it’s not been easy and if you actually go through this ,just know that been calm should always be the first step you focus on,try to ease your heartbeat to normal and eventually you’ll be alright ,I promise.